Chapter 4: The Problem with Problem-Solving

Your brain is designed to solve problems. Baby’s crying? You try feeding him. Website not working? Contact a specialist to fix it. Humans can’t help but find problems and then try to fix them.

But this same urge to fix things through thinking can play havoc when turned inwards. Feeling anxious? Okay, I’ll avoid that feeling and do some relaxation. Thinking negatively? Okay, I’ll block my negative thoughts and think more positive ones.

This approach is totally understandable and normal. It’s the way your brain is wired – to fix all the problems you meet. However, ACT researchers have realised that this idea of fixing your emotions and thoughts is at the root of much human suffering.

Here’s the issue. If you don’t want to think a thought (such as ‘I’m not good enough’), it’ll just get stronger – because you’re inadvertently giving it more attention. 

And if you think a certain feeling is bad and to be avoided, like sadness, you may begin to fear it, and thereby strengthen the feeling.

So trying to get rid of your tricky thoughts and emotions isn’t the solution. In fact, trying to get rid of your thoughts and feelings becomes the problem itself! 

Hundreds of studies have found avoidance to be the root cause of all sorts of mental health challenges, leading to a decreased quality of life.

You can summarise this insight:

‘What you avoid, you invite. What you accept, you transform.’

Stuck in the Mud

This really happened to me! I was once visiting a small palace in India that was surrounded by mud. It was very quiet, which surprised me, but it didn’t stop me going there. I confidently walked towards the palace in the mud. I noticed there was a thin stream of water on my path, and then more mud.

‘No big deal,’ I thought, and I jumped over the stream of water. Bad idea! I immediately sunk into the mud on the other side. Both my legs were stuck deep in the mud!

I tried to struggle my way out, but it didn’t work. I was stuck, and the more I struggled, the more I felt stuck in the mud. I started to feel quite scared for a few short seconds.

But then I had an insight. I decided to stop struggling. Struggling wasn’t working. I needed a different approach. I realised I needed to slip my feet out of my shoes to free myself. From there, I needed to open up my body, lie down on the mud and gently roll out of the mud.

It worked! I was free. Funnily enough, a few minutes later, a kid managed to get my shoes out of the mud and sold them back to me!

If you’re struggling with your thoughts, feelings and sensations and you’re just finding yourself sinking deeper – recall this story. Try stepping back from unhelpful thoughts just as I stepped out of my shoes, and try opening up to your feelings instead of avoiding them, as I did when I rolled out of the mud.