Chapter 6: Less Chasing Absolute Truths. More Chasing Meaningful Dreams.
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Once you start developing your ACT skills, you’ll realise there’s a whole stream of thoughts in your head. Some of them may be true, but many of them are not.
For example, you may think, ‘I’m never gonna understand this ACT stuff.’ Is that true? Well, that’s hard to say.
You may also think, ‘I’m going to get sick.’ That thought is true. We all get ill at some point. But does that mean you should keep thinking that all the time? If you do, you won’t be able to focus on your life.
If you listen even more carefully to your mind, you’ll find it’s often arguing about whether something is true or not - everlastingly going back and forth.
Spending your life trying to work out what’s true and what’s not can be a futile business. ACT takes a more practical approach and encourages you to consider your dreams - what makes your life meaningful - and focus on taking action based on those thoughts.
So when learning to use ACT in your life, focus on what’s helpful or unhelpful rather than what’s true or untrue. Helpful thoughts move you towards a life of meaning and vitality. Unhelpful thoughts move you away from meaning.
You may have had terrible experiences in the past, and you can’t wipe that away. There’s no delete button in the human brain. But you can decide which thoughts will be more helpful to move you towards a rich and meaningful life. ACT encourages you to use the helpful thoughts and let the unhelpful thoughts, even if they’re true, just float on by.
The next story illustrates why focusing on truths can be an issue, and why focusing on helpful is…well, more helpful!
The Young Child
Imagine you’re bringing up a young child; she’s a few years old, so she can just about understand language.
When you’re teaching her, would you teach her what’s helpful or what’s true?
If you want to teach her what’s true, you could open up the newspaper and show her all the worst things happening in the world. You could tell her that you and your whole family will one day pass away. You might tell her that all the fairy tales are untrue, or tell her all about her inadequacies.
I hope you don’t. Because although these things may all be true, they’re not helpful facts to share with a very young child. It’s far more helpful to share things that will support their development. This may include some of the sad things happening in the world, but in a way that’ll lead to their growth and resilience.
In the same way, consider the thoughts you find helpful for creating a fulfilling life for you and your loved ones.
