How to have a mindful holiday season
/Today I'm going to share with you some ideas about how to have a mindful holiday season.
Well, today is actually Christmas Day and this time of the holiday season can be a really challenging time for many of us. Some people may be having fun and a good time, but I think for the majority of people, it can be a really difficult time. I think it's a difficult time because it calls to mind and brings together different relationships that we have. If you happen to have great relationships with your close family then it’s great. But I think we can agree that our close relationships are where most of our challenges come up.
There’s also a lot of commercial pressure to buy gifts too. This puts a major financial burden on many people and the guilt of not buying the right present for someone, or the guilt of overspending are all challenges.
Human beings are very social animals and for us relationships really matter a lot. That is associated with a lot of difficult feelings and I'll explain a little bit more about that today. I will share with you three approaches - three ways to deal with the difficult emotions that can arise around this time. These can arise because of the challenges of the relationships that come up, or maybe even a sense of isolation, or perhaps the financial burden at this time.
My first tip is to actually start with where you are.
This is about bringing a sense of acceptance and peace with where you are. Literally breathe in your feelings - it seems a little bit counterintuitive, I know, because when we have difficult feelings and difficult emotions, the thing that we want to do is to push them away or get rid of them or avoid them. But actually what we find is that if we can bring a sense of acceptance, make peace with the feeling, and then allow them to actually come in and greet them in - it helps to make peace with them. When we try to push away those feelings they can actually end up bringing more difficulties, rather than making it easy. Fighting them just gives them more energy.
My second tip is to remember that "we hurt where we care"
We hurt where we care, so if you came through a lot of pain, a lot of difficulty at the moment, it's because you care about it. If it's a certain relationship that's challenging or bringing up some things that are difficult for you - it's because you care about that relationship.
If there's a lack of relationships and you're hurting because of that - it's because relationships are so important for you. So this reminds you that actually the hurt isn't coming out of no reason - there's a reason for why you're feeling the pain that you are - it’s coming from a place of love and care.
You can use this energy for care at the heart of your pain in this third tip.
Take a tiny, tiny, tiny step in line with what's meaningful for you
I say a very small step because one of the main reasons we struggle to take action is that we try to dive in too deep. We try to take big steps and then it's not achievable. We don't feel motivated enough and then we give up. So the more that we can learn to take really small steps I think the more we feel it's achievable and we end up getting a more positive benefit from it than we expected. So how do you take a tiny step in line with what’s meaningful for you? Well, think about what are your values - is it to be kind, is it to be compassionate, do you like being creative or having some fun, is socialising a meaningful action for you, what is the value that's really important for you?
Maybe some of those areas resonate or maybe there's something else, something that really, really matters to you and it might be linked with the other side of where you're hurting. So if you're hurting in the moment because of a sense of isolation, maybe that means you really care about relationships and socialising. Then I invite you take a small action - the tiny step could be something as simple as sending a text message to a friend or family member, it could be saying something nice or positive in the particular relationship where you're finding it difficult, it could be to actually giving a call to someone who you haven't spoken to for a while.
If being creative is important to you, consider doing some painting, drawing, writing, poetry - maybe going to a gallery. If being compassionate or kind is your value, see if you can do a small action of kindness for someone else, and that can be your way forward.
Just to summarise:
Start with however you’re feeling - allow your feelings to be as they are and notice them. Breathe them in, bring a sense of acceptance to them.
Remember the quote “we hurt where we care” . If you're going through a painful experience at the moment it is because you care about it. Just noticing and acknowledging that there's this place where you're hurting is actually a place you care about and want to do something about.
And finally, take a small step in line with doing something that's really meaningful for you whether it's an act of kindness, creativity, being more social, just friendliness - whatever your value is, whatever you think is important.
I wish you a very Merry Christmas, if that's what you celebrate, a happy holiday season and Mindful New Year.
If you’d like to learn more about my approach of combining mindfulness with kindness, consider my free 7 day course. Or my full 8 week program which is currently on sale - includes 60 mini daily videos and over 15 guided kindfulness audio meditations to try.
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