How to STOP Fighting your Emotions!
/Today we’ll talk about another metaphor - the tug of war.
Imagine you're having a tug of war with a monster. This monster represents your difficult thoughts, tricky emotions, difficult experiences and tempting urges. So you’re on one side and your monster - your challenge - on the other side. The more you pull on one side to try and pull the monster across, to win the war, the more the monster pulls back again. It’s so hard and so tiring!
In the middle of this tug-of-war there is a big hole. And if you lose this tug-of-war, you're worried you're gonna fall deeeeeep down into this big hole with scary stuff at the bottom. You don't really know what’s at the bottom of that hole so you pull harder. The harder you pull, the harder the monster pulls back. The only solution to this problem, you think, is to try harder. That’s what your mind says.
So what's the solution?
Well, if you use a problem-solving mind, the solution seems to be to just pull harder and harder and harder. But if you take just a little step back and think from a different perspective - a bigger picture - there is another solution. Do you know what it is?
Just drop the rope!
If you drop the rope, suddenly the tug-of-war is over. You're not involved in fighting, in avoiding and challenging, in trying to win this battle. In fact, in some ways that battle has ended. But it can feel really counterintuitive, especially when in the middle of this tug-of-war you think you need to win. So you need to see it from a different perspective and that's what ‘allowing’, ‘acceptance’, ‘letting things be’ means for our tricky emotions, difficult thoughts, hard experiences and strong urges rather than trying to fight them and win. Instead, imagine dropping the rope.
This is a great metaphor that you can keep in mind whenever you're struggling with a difficulty and you're using your normal habitual automatic pilot approach - which is to try and win the war. If you can just remember those three words "drop the rope" - even write it down or remember the image. See if you can start cultivating that skill within yourself.
In the beginning you may keep pulling in that tug-of-war (and I think we all do actually). But the very fact of even trying to release that grip a bit or just experimenting for a second to let it go and hold it again is a great skill you can develop.
So that's the metaphor of dropping the rope and it's a great way to start cultivating more acceptance. This is a radically different approach that research has found works and is successful when dealing with difficult emotions and thoughts. It’s the opposite of what psychologists called ‘experiential avoidance’ which is associated with all sorts of mental health issues.
Thanks a lot for joining me today - if you interested in more stuff like this and check out the links below with the other resources that I've created for ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Training.
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